12 Nov Inside the Secret Facebook Group Where Women Review Men They’ve Dated

There aren’t any single good males left to be found in New York City. In fact, that’s what everyone keeps telling us. When Deanna* moved into the city in the latter part of 2021 it was her turn to investigate if there’s any truth to that assertion. Single after her three-year boyfriend broke up with her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. At this point, when a group on Facebook called Are We Dating The Same Guy NYC appeared as a recommended follow. The group included a strict prescreen survey and community guidelines that were a bar to entry. It was at 43,000 active members. Deanna was interested, so she enrolled.

The community

The group-which was established with the goal of helping women check if their potential partners were dating other people – was established in the month of March 2022. In fact, nearly every big US city currently has a similar forum, and the rules for everyone are clear: Anyone has the right to post anonymously, with no restrictions on doxxing or sharing sensitive data, or in any way screenshots leave the group. No bullies, no victim-blaming or hate speech. Don’t tell a guy that he’s been a member of the group. In the wake of West Elm Caleb, someone with whom many women in New York shared negative dating experiences and also connected the dots on the internet, it appeared that a lot of women were searching to find a way to seek out others like him.follow the link datingfortodaysman At our site As one TikTok user noted on the subject This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.

That’s pretty much what this group had become at the time Deanna joined. Each iteration of Are We Dating the Same Guy functions as a central location for women who are seeking advice on their relationship or share their concerns about a man with whom they’ve experienced bad dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, being a method of emailing them other females to try and lure them onto social media has also become a common practice. It’s easy to fall into a hole of screenshots Hinge profiles, tales of failed hookups, and memes that discuss the problems of modern dating. Some of the most popular posts consist of photos of a person with his initials, requesting who has matched or had a relationship with the person that is being asked about. Emojis that have a red flag are a frequent sight on seemingly unimportant but alarming posts warning people of an ex or bad encounter of a bad date, usually with a downward arrow and the ominous text See comments for more info.

The popularity of online dating has been a major factor in our choices in recent years as a result of a recent study revealing that almost 39% of heterosexual couples met their partner on the internet. It’s therefore natural that the romantic element of romance would change to the digital age. Instead of talking to small groups of acquaintances in a bar, or sharing stories with coworkers, we are now seeking the counsel of 43,000 women experiencing similar, and in some cases precisely the same experiences.

It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie A group member. Not to say that there’s not advantages however, it was useful for me in terms of changing my perspective on dating. This isn’t a race for women with each other, however it is it is holding men to a much higher quality than I did before.

It’s obvious to me that certain behavior that’s facilitated and promoted in Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be concerning if displayed by potential partners. Photos, private conversations, and screenshots that are posted without the consent of the other party or knowledge are common. People search social media profiles on a frequent basis. And it’s not that difficult for a person to be an invitation to sit on the front row. While Deanna enjoys being a part group, she does have some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she says. But I’m convinced that you’ll are faced with the issue of you can end up with this echo chamber of men have repeatedly pushed us for so long that we’re going to pay it back.

We are still living in a patriarchal society

We’re still living in an oppressive society. Until we’re truly equal on the internet, these interactions will differ in the reverberations based upon each person’s background. Still, can a group of this sort really provide conscious empowerment on one side of the coin and indecent and inhumane on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy is hyperlocal and is only useful for individuals who reside and date in the city the organization is based in. The women and people they blog about could be your neighbor you work with, a friend, relatives, or even the most recently Hinge match. There’s also a depersonalization that comes with operating on the internet, making everything feel like something you play. It’s no stretch to say this is objectifying for the participants in both groups, especially when details of private interactions, conversations and even photographs are being shared without their approval or consent. Sometimes, it’s for pure entertainment.